The Motor City, Secret Rendezvous, and a Time-Out Chair

Tonight I fly home for my final round of interviews. I'll be spending 2 full days at one school (one day in a 2nd/3rd grade class and the other in 7th/8th reading), shadowing in the morning and teaching in the afternoon. On the third day I'll be teaching a sample lesson to a Kindergarten class at the 2nd school. I feel as much as can be expected: anxious, excited, nervous...

I have my Kindergarten lesson planned and ready to go. The first school, however, has yet to give me any details regarding subject components or even specific grade targets (I could be in either 2nd or 3rd)...not that this has discouraged me (I'm actually leaning towards this school). Hello, last-minute planning. It's nice to see you again.

Detroit was never, ever my plan - at least not initially. I always figured I would come back to Detroit after spending some time in a more diversely urban setting (Chicago, New York). It isn't that New York wouldn't have worked out for next year, I'm just sensing that it wouldn't be the best for me at this point. I'm not quite equipped with the things (resources, finances, knowledge) I would need to be successful in New York. Of course faith, hard work and passion would carry me a long way, but what it comes down to is that it isn't about me and what I can do - it's about doing what's best for those around me. If I stayed in New York, I wouldn't be able to give to the extent that I had always wanted to. It isn't about the buildings, the culture, the history, the environment...while I love ALL of that, my focus needed to shift. If my focus is what I've claimed it to be, then it shouldn't matter where I am. It does matter, but it shouldn't to the extent that I've held it.

It's so hard being in the city, knowing that I've come so far only to turn back around and return to the original starting point. Melissa and I were in yesterday and, I'm telling you, I still haven't made peace with it. My mind and heart knows what's best and where I'm being called to go, but it's as if my heart is having a secret rendezvous with the city while my mind isn't looking! Risky little thing. I was 17 when I first proclaimed, loud and proud, that NYC would be my future home. That's 7 years of planning, dreaming and scheming to sort through. I guess I can forgive my heart for hanging on to something so tightly. I still think it needs a time out, though.

Here's to hoping I hear from principal 1 today regarding tomorrow's details. I can't be held responsible for what might happen if don't have adequate list-making time.