AN UPDATE!
My classroom, those 2nd grade stinkers, have provided me with such an enriching and challenging experience that I honestly feel, pinky swear, that I could write a book. Or two. I may or may not have started already. Last school year was rock bottom. I often found myself on my knees, full-well knowing that there was absolutely NO way I was going to make it through on my own strength. I was planning my out - An Americorps position in NYC (fulfilling my dream, to say the least). Little did I foresee MY dream coming to a halt as another, unexpected dream came forward. My Oliver. I pinned something on Pinterest recently that went something like this: I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be. Oliver tip-toed his way into my life at exactly the moment I needed him most. With his support, encouragement, shoulder, and faithful ear, I survived. The Lord and His timing.
Then there's this year.
While I love my home at Detroit Enterprise Academy, I've been feeling a tug toward something different. I want the chance to take what I've learned from Detroit and apply it somewhere fresh. In an interesting turn of events, apparently Oliver's Visa is also soon-to-be in need of a fresh face. If he stays in Michigan, he will be under Austrian contract (as he has been), which states that, given at most a 4-weeks notice, they can bring him home if needed. With our future in mind, he asked for US contract options. The only department in his line of work which would be able to bring him on under an American contract and offer him a Green Card:
Charleston, South Carolina.
It is this, Michigan with unstable contract terms, or Germany.
With heavy hearts and our dreams in mind, we weighed the options. I would love the opportunity to live in Europe, close to his family. Their language, culture, traditions - all pieces of him I am eager to continue learning. He, however, desperately wants a home-base. Europe would still only provide short-term options. So, with all of this weighing heavily, the day of his "Decision Meeting" came. At this point, we were ready for anything. We really didn't know what they would suggest - best to be flexible and relinquish control, right? Right. We would go wherever led.
They suggested he pursue Charleston full force. Considering his role in my life, this means that we pursue it, together. NO, we are NOT YET engaged. Formal proposals and engagements are foreign to him - he wants to do things "his own way". I trust him :) We do, however, know that we're stuck together!
As of now, I've applied for South Carolina teaching certification, and I've sent in a stack of resumes. His company will provide him with an apartment, so we just have to arrange something for myself. We'll be anxious to get a wedding in the works once there, I'm sure :)
All that to say this: Come end of July, I will be headed to Charleston. I will continue to keep you updated as we thoughtfully and prayerfully navigate these new roads.
:)
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
6.02.2012
1.01.2011
Nutshell.
Mildly wishing I had been awake an hour earlier to catch the clock at 11:11 on 1/1/11. So glad I still have a chance [assuming I can stay awake amidst my all-consuming need to regain my sleep schedule].
As 2010 drew near to its close, I had a few options lying before me. Among them, in no particular order of desire: spending time with family, a close-knit gathering of close friends, an evening of sparkly shenanigans...
This year has been one for the books [quite literally]. I've loved and lost, succeeded and failed [miserably], regularly weaved my way through three states, flew more times than my credited miles account for [ooops], gained teaching certification in 2 states, been fingerprinted twice [also in 2 states], interviewed my little heart out, taught my little heart out, cried my little heart out, drank coffee like it was my job [wish it was], dyed my hair, moved home, overcame my fear of bees, became a cat person, became a morning person [slightly disturbing], discovered boxed wine, learned how to dougie, and encountered the true meaning of the phrase "money does not bring happiness" [nor does job security, full-coverage benefits, or a 7-7 job, but I'll save that for another time].
With all this and more in mind, I chose to do the "NYE UNTHINKABLE". I stayed in. Alone. By myself.
Armed with Netflix, a carefully planned and prepared homemade dinner, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, comfy socks, pen and paper, hot chocolate, chocolate, and fresh flowers [bought by and for myself, thank you very much], I took the leap and denied all resounding desires to dance and laugh my way into the new year. This took courage.
Reflection, meditation, and I have always been three peas in a pod [up until September, that is]. Regardless of how nerve-racking it can be [I have a dangerous mind], I've missed this. You have to take time to examine where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with. A simple enough notion that I've completely neglected in these last few months. To say that I've been a robot is putting it rather lightly. I've never felt like less of myself.
A friend once advised me that to be happy - to reach a state of holistic fulfillment and peace - we can't focus on what reality always tells us. What does reality tell you? Last spring, reality whispered these little words in my ear - money, job security, full-coverage benefits, and a 7-7 job. By reality I don't mean the reality of responsibility. I mean the reality of the world - that your heart and soul mean nothing in the scheme of life, the ladder of success, and all that drives and provides our worldly possessions We have to listen to what reality tells us, but when reality begins stripping away every beautiful layer of your heart, it's time to run like hell.
I wouldn't say that I'm running. I'm not interested in running. I am, however, interested in getting as far away from the lies of the world as possible in my quest to reclaim the passion that once stood boldly at the forefront of my very being. Wow that was intense. Thank you, coffee.
What I'm saying is that I'd like to get back a piece of me that I feel I've lost.
Since I haven't had much time with my ever-faithful friends, Reflection and Meditation, I thought I'd invite them back in for a night.
If you're one to do so, please keep me in prayer. This school year has been a good one and I plan to finish it out strong; however, I'm sensing a change of direction in the months ahead. Terrifyingly necessary.
I know it's easy for some to weave through "The Roaring Twenties" fresh-faced and unharmed. I, of course, am on the path with blistered feet and tired eyes. I take comfort in the fact that lessons learned are unavoidably placed and that, simply put, I'm not alone.
As 2010 drew near to its close, I had a few options lying before me. Among them, in no particular order of desire: spending time with family, a close-knit gathering of close friends, an evening of sparkly shenanigans...
This year has been one for the books [quite literally]. I've loved and lost, succeeded and failed [miserably], regularly weaved my way through three states, flew more times than my credited miles account for [ooops], gained teaching certification in 2 states, been fingerprinted twice [also in 2 states], interviewed my little heart out, taught my little heart out, cried my little heart out, drank coffee like it was my job [wish it was], dyed my hair, moved home, overcame my fear of bees, became a cat person, became a morning person [slightly disturbing], discovered boxed wine, learned how to dougie, and encountered the true meaning of the phrase "money does not bring happiness" [nor does job security, full-coverage benefits, or a 7-7 job, but I'll save that for another time].
With all this and more in mind, I chose to do the "NYE UNTHINKABLE". I stayed in. Alone. By myself.
Armed with Netflix, a carefully planned and prepared homemade dinner, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, comfy socks, pen and paper, hot chocolate, chocolate, and fresh flowers [bought by and for myself, thank you very much], I took the leap and denied all resounding desires to dance and laugh my way into the new year. This took courage.
Reflection, meditation, and I have always been three peas in a pod [up until September, that is]. Regardless of how nerve-racking it can be [I have a dangerous mind], I've missed this. You have to take time to examine where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with. A simple enough notion that I've completely neglected in these last few months. To say that I've been a robot is putting it rather lightly. I've never felt like less of myself.
A friend once advised me that to be happy - to reach a state of holistic fulfillment and peace - we can't focus on what reality always tells us. What does reality tell you? Last spring, reality whispered these little words in my ear - money, job security, full-coverage benefits, and a 7-7 job. By reality I don't mean the reality of responsibility. I mean the reality of the world - that your heart and soul mean nothing in the scheme of life, the ladder of success, and all that drives and provides our worldly possessions We have to listen to what reality tells us, but when reality begins stripping away every beautiful layer of your heart, it's time to run like hell.
I wouldn't say that I'm running. I'm not interested in running. I am, however, interested in getting as far away from the lies of the world as possible in my quest to reclaim the passion that once stood boldly at the forefront of my very being. Wow that was intense. Thank you, coffee.
What I'm saying is that I'd like to get back a piece of me that I feel I've lost.
Since I haven't had much time with my ever-faithful friends, Reflection and Meditation, I thought I'd invite them back in for a night.
If you're one to do so, please keep me in prayer. This school year has been a good one and I plan to finish it out strong; however, I'm sensing a change of direction in the months ahead. Terrifyingly necessary.
I know it's easy for some to weave through "The Roaring Twenties" fresh-faced and unharmed. I, of course, am on the path with blistered feet and tired eyes. I take comfort in the fact that lessons learned are unavoidably placed and that, simply put, I'm not alone.
7.21.2010
Grammas, Power, and Doggy Tails
Right now,
Everything you want is wrong.
And right now,
All your dreams are waking up.
-- Joseph Arthur, Honey and the Moon
Feeling like I'm at a point in my journey where I need to stop and do some serious reflecting. It's been awhile.
This past week, my sister and I, along with some of our closest family members, spent some time up north for a traditional and annual family getaway. Much needed on many, many levels. So much so that I hadn't even realized how badly I needed a few moments simply to breathe - A vital gift I have been taking for granted.
One morning, while chatting with my Gramma over morning coffee (I'm convinced that no member in my family can make a bad cup of coffee. ever), I found myself trying to hold back tears while topping off my cup. The sun was shining, I had gotten a beautiful nights sleep, a day of boating was ahead, my bangs were looking awesome...why the tears? Well, leave it to the women in my life to say exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. '
What I got from that wise woman that morning is this - In these last three years, I've seen nothing but change. Every external area of my life, by choice and by force, has changed dramatically, quickly and repeatedly. When extreme life change happens to you, it's easy to forget about it once you're in the swing of new forces, especially when others take the central focus over your own needs. Story of my life.
#1. Changes. Constant, uncontrollable changes have been throwing me around like a leaf. Or a puck on an ice rink.
I'm not going to lie and pretend like it's easy for me to talk about leaving New York, my dream, behind. I don't expect anyone to understand the significance of that in my life - I'm only beginning to understand it now. New York has a very powerful force over me - a force I think only a few understand. I can joke about rebounding on NY with Kentucky, putting NY in time out for not letting go of me, and toasting NY to seven long years of exhausting joy and hope, but I'm not joking when I say that it's been hard to leave. My heart sinks when I think of how close I was, and when I remember what I left behind. A dream. To this day, if someone asks me what I want, my answer is the same as it was 3,4,5 years ago - I want to be in New York. I want it more now than I ever have (this past year has proven that to me). What I've learned is this - the answer is never that simple. What I want is of little importance and, in this case, what I want is very clearly "wrong".
#2. What I want. What I want is to never, ever give up on the dream God has laid before me. To never, ever let weaken that passion He has so abruptly and painfully burned on my heart.
What I want and what I need to do usually coincide. Very simple, no complications. In this case, however, I've seen an evolution of want to need that has severely impacted my life. For a very long time, the passion that I had for inner-city work coincided with NY. The two were inseparable [when I say inseparable, I mean no other option could even be considered]. Leave it to the Lord to separate something inseparable.
Eventually, I grew to understand my God-given passion to be centrally focused on cities [joblessness, illness, homelessness, high crime, addiction, vicious cycles, generational poverty...], and less on a specific region. You can imagine what this did to my perfectly organized and color-coded plan.
What I wanted was to go to NY. What I needed was to follow the Lord's whispers and trust that He would use my passion where He deemed necessary.
#3. The dream. To live a life of service unto others by unconditionally and actively loving those in the inner-city, be it the city I love, the city I was trained in, or city in which my roots were grown. A city is a city, and love wears no masks.
Detroit. Tricky fellow that God. If you want to chase something other than God's purpose you might as well be chasing after your own, nonexistent tail because that's about as far as you're going to get - vicious circles.
All this to say, for now I rest in peace knowing that I'm where I need to be. I still believe very fervently that my passion for NY also has purpose, a very strong purpose, but timing is everything, eh?
Until then, DETROIT. Whew!
View Larger Map
I should take a screen shot to show you my lists. They're colorful.
The first week in August I'll be up in Grand Rapids for a week-long orientation. It's nice - while we're there, we have the option of venturing out on 3 different 'excursions' in the evenings to bond and kill time - A White Caps game, a trip to a local conservatory, and an evening in Grand Haven enjoying the lake and [I believe] Coast Guard festival. I'm anxious to get to know some other new hires, my administration, and the system. I believe our planning will officially begin a week or so after the orientation. Photos to come.
Many, many, many many photos to come.
Everything you want is wrong.
And right now,
All your dreams are waking up.
-- Joseph Arthur, Honey and the Moon
Feeling like I'm at a point in my journey where I need to stop and do some serious reflecting. It's been awhile.
This past week, my sister and I, along with some of our closest family members, spent some time up north for a traditional and annual family getaway. Much needed on many, many levels. So much so that I hadn't even realized how badly I needed a few moments simply to breathe - A vital gift I have been taking for granted.
One morning, while chatting with my Gramma over morning coffee (I'm convinced that no member in my family can make a bad cup of coffee. ever), I found myself trying to hold back tears while topping off my cup. The sun was shining, I had gotten a beautiful nights sleep, a day of boating was ahead, my bangs were looking awesome...why the tears? Well, leave it to the women in my life to say exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. '
What I got from that wise woman that morning is this - In these last three years, I've seen nothing but change. Every external area of my life, by choice and by force, has changed dramatically, quickly and repeatedly. When extreme life change happens to you, it's easy to forget about it once you're in the swing of new forces, especially when others take the central focus over your own needs. Story of my life.
#1. Changes. Constant, uncontrollable changes have been throwing me around like a leaf. Or a puck on an ice rink.
I'm not going to lie and pretend like it's easy for me to talk about leaving New York, my dream, behind. I don't expect anyone to understand the significance of that in my life - I'm only beginning to understand it now. New York has a very powerful force over me - a force I think only a few understand. I can joke about rebounding on NY with Kentucky, putting NY in time out for not letting go of me, and toasting NY to seven long years of exhausting joy and hope, but I'm not joking when I say that it's been hard to leave. My heart sinks when I think of how close I was, and when I remember what I left behind. A dream. To this day, if someone asks me what I want, my answer is the same as it was 3,4,5 years ago - I want to be in New York. I want it more now than I ever have (this past year has proven that to me). What I've learned is this - the answer is never that simple. What I want is of little importance and, in this case, what I want is very clearly "wrong".
#2. What I want. What I want is to never, ever give up on the dream God has laid before me. To never, ever let weaken that passion He has so abruptly and painfully burned on my heart.
What I want and what I need to do usually coincide. Very simple, no complications. In this case, however, I've seen an evolution of want to need that has severely impacted my life. For a very long time, the passion that I had for inner-city work coincided with NY. The two were inseparable [when I say inseparable, I mean no other option could even be considered]. Leave it to the Lord to separate something inseparable.
Eventually, I grew to understand my God-given passion to be centrally focused on cities [joblessness, illness, homelessness, high crime, addiction, vicious cycles, generational poverty...], and less on a specific region. You can imagine what this did to my perfectly organized and color-coded plan.
What I wanted was to go to NY. What I needed was to follow the Lord's whispers and trust that He would use my passion where He deemed necessary.
#3. The dream. To live a life of service unto others by unconditionally and actively loving those in the inner-city, be it the city I love, the city I was trained in, or city in which my roots were grown. A city is a city, and love wears no masks.
Detroit. Tricky fellow that God. If you want to chase something other than God's purpose you might as well be chasing after your own, nonexistent tail because that's about as far as you're going to get - vicious circles.
All this to say, for now I rest in peace knowing that I'm where I need to be. I still believe very fervently that my passion for NY also has purpose, a very strong purpose, but timing is everything, eh?
Until then, DETROIT. Whew!
View Larger Map
I should take a screen shot to show you my lists. They're colorful.
The first week in August I'll be up in Grand Rapids for a week-long orientation. It's nice - while we're there, we have the option of venturing out on 3 different 'excursions' in the evenings to bond and kill time - A White Caps game, a trip to a local conservatory, and an evening in Grand Haven enjoying the lake and [I believe] Coast Guard festival. I'm anxious to get to know some other new hires, my administration, and the system. I believe our planning will officially begin a week or so after the orientation. Photos to come.
Many, many, many many photos to come.
5.10.2010
The Motor City, Secret Rendezvous, and a Time-Out Chair
Tonight I fly home for my final round of interviews. I'll be spending 2 full days at one school (one day in a 2nd/3rd grade class and the other in 7th/8th reading), shadowing in the morning and teaching in the afternoon. On the third day I'll be teaching a sample lesson to a Kindergarten class at the 2nd school. I feel as much as can be expected: anxious, excited, nervous...
I have my Kindergarten lesson planned and ready to go. The first school, however, has yet to give me any details regarding subject components or even specific grade targets (I could be in either 2nd or 3rd)...not that this has discouraged me (I'm actually leaning towards this school). Hello, last-minute planning. It's nice to see you again.
Detroit was never, ever my plan - at least not initially. I always figured I would come back to Detroit after spending some time in a more diversely urban setting (Chicago, New York). It isn't that New York wouldn't have worked out for next year, I'm just sensing that it wouldn't be the best for me at this point. I'm not quite equipped with the things (resources, finances, knowledge) I would need to be successful in New York. Of course faith, hard work and passion would carry me a long way, but what it comes down to is that it isn't about me and what I can do - it's about doing what's best for those around me. If I stayed in New York, I wouldn't be able to give to the extent that I had always wanted to. It isn't about the buildings, the culture, the history, the environment...while I love ALL of that, my focus needed to shift. If my focus is what I've claimed it to be, then it shouldn't matter where I am. It does matter, but it shouldn't to the extent that I've held it.
It's so hard being in the city, knowing that I've come so far only to turn back around and return to the original starting point. Melissa and I were in yesterday and, I'm telling you, I still haven't made peace with it. My mind and heart knows what's best and where I'm being called to go, but it's as if my heart is having a secret rendezvous with the city while my mind isn't looking! Risky little thing. I was 17 when I first proclaimed, loud and proud, that NYC would be my future home. That's 7 years of planning, dreaming and scheming to sort through. I guess I can forgive my heart for hanging on to something so tightly. I still think it needs a time out, though.
Here's to hoping I hear from principal 1 today regarding tomorrow's details. I can't be held responsible for what might happen if don't have adequate list-making time.
I have my Kindergarten lesson planned and ready to go. The first school, however, has yet to give me any details regarding subject components or even specific grade targets (I could be in either 2nd or 3rd)...not that this has discouraged me (I'm actually leaning towards this school). Hello, last-minute planning. It's nice to see you again.
Detroit was never, ever my plan - at least not initially. I always figured I would come back to Detroit after spending some time in a more diversely urban setting (Chicago, New York). It isn't that New York wouldn't have worked out for next year, I'm just sensing that it wouldn't be the best for me at this point. I'm not quite equipped with the things (resources, finances, knowledge) I would need to be successful in New York. Of course faith, hard work and passion would carry me a long way, but what it comes down to is that it isn't about me and what I can do - it's about doing what's best for those around me. If I stayed in New York, I wouldn't be able to give to the extent that I had always wanted to. It isn't about the buildings, the culture, the history, the environment...while I love ALL of that, my focus needed to shift. If my focus is what I've claimed it to be, then it shouldn't matter where I am. It does matter, but it shouldn't to the extent that I've held it.
It's so hard being in the city, knowing that I've come so far only to turn back around and return to the original starting point. Melissa and I were in yesterday and, I'm telling you, I still haven't made peace with it. My mind and heart knows what's best and where I'm being called to go, but it's as if my heart is having a secret rendezvous with the city while my mind isn't looking! Risky little thing. I was 17 when I first proclaimed, loud and proud, that NYC would be my future home. That's 7 years of planning, dreaming and scheming to sort through. I guess I can forgive my heart for hanging on to something so tightly. I still think it needs a time out, though.
Here's to hoping I hear from principal 1 today regarding tomorrow's details. I can't be held responsible for what might happen if don't have adequate list-making time.
3.24.2010
untitled
grasping high the dream,
failing not the action which
takes winding winds through
unwoven caves of hidden hurt.
untold fear and unkept force caving
in the heat of blinding bliss.
lights dreamt anew
lacking forward disregard for
pleasant times.
pleasing whom, but i?
9.29.2009
My stomach is growling.
It's probably about time I update this guy.
Here's the thing - I'm still somewhat in this whirlwind of transition, so I'm finding that the details are still kind of hazy.
In general, everything has been going better than expected. I don't want to go too in depth, but all in all, the Foster's are great. They respect and appreciate me to the point that they're going out of their way, on a regular basis, to bridge me with connections that could help my teaching career next year. They treat me like the teacher I am, and value my knowledge and input to an incredibly high degree. They're genuinely nice people, and I'm thankful that we have such an open, honest relationship going.
The kids are...kids. The oldest, Elizabeth (13), is a typical pre-teen and has an incredibly sweet heart. The youngest, Katharine (9), is active and sporty, yet still manages to be alllll girl. She's adorable. Then, of course, there's Wells (11). He has a diagnosis that puts him on the Autism spectrum; therefore, life in the Foster house is always a bit interesting. He's a sweet kid with a lot of passion - very intelligent and perceptive. It's been great experience, even after only a few weeks, working with Wells individually, as well as within the dynamic of his relationships with others (especially his sisters). Patience, time management, conflict resolution, problem solving...These are things I could never learn enough about. Anyways, the good moments are outweighing the bad :)
One of my first nights here, Melissa and I met some of her friends for a barbecue on a beach a few towns over. When we walked up to the spot where we were going to sit, we noticed that, across the water (the Long Island Sound), the New York City skyline was visible. I can't explain what I felt - It was just so incredibly strange. I wasn't there, I was here. I wasn't beneath the buildings, I was beneath the trees. I wasn't in my comfort zone. Instead, I was in a place where objects are things to be desired, and status is something to be gained. I was frustrated and terribly sad. Hurt. What had I allowed myself to do? Why had I chosen to be here, and not there? No one could have thought me a bigger hypocrite than myself.
It's really hard for me to balance this passion of mine with what I feel I am being lead to do. My heart aches to be in a certain environment, yet I couldn't be more far from it at this point. And yet, I'm here with complete peace. Complete peace. I rest assured that I'm hear for a reason or two, and that becomes more apparent to me with each passing day. You wouldn't guess it, but this truly is the strangest thing that's ever happened to me.
With that said, I'm learning. I'm learning how to accept what I'm given with a grateful heart, and to do so with the understanding that there is a time and reason for things that, God forbid, I may not understand at the time. Sounds simple enough, but I think it's so easy to say we've gotten things mastered when, in all reality, the knowledge has never been tested. We like to think we're smarter than we really are, don't we? Try getting hit with a death in the family, divorce, illness, a deviation from the "Five Year Plan". We're not as strong as we think we are, either. If we were, where would be the need for reliance? At the same time, though, we've all got a strength in us that exists unconditionally. A beautiful paradox.
I'm rambling at this point, but I can say one thing - I never, in my life, have felt a deeper desire to be submerged in urban ministry and teaching than I do at this very moment.
By the way, how exciting is it that fall is here? Pumpkins, orange Mums, falling leaves, apple cider, cinnamon coffee cake candles, sweaters and hoodies, the smell of the heat in your car...so great.
:)
8.08.2009
Connecticut
'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --"
Well, I received direction for the upcoming year - just not the direction that I had initially anticipated. And why should this surprise me?
To say that this decision was a difficult one would be an understatement, as would be saying that describing it to people hasn't been the easiest task.
A great deal of thought, prayer, and time has gone into my plans for the next 12 months. I could (and will, if requested) go into the deeply rooted details; however, for blogging purposes I will choose to stay simple and to the point - A challenge, but one I should be up for!
On September 6th I will be leaving for Connecticut where I will be living with and working for a wonderful family, the Fosters, for approximately one year. The Fosters have three children, Elizabeth (13), Wells (11), and Katherine (9), whom I will be helping to care for during my stay.
Leaving Michigan again will not be easy; however, I am confident that this will be a rewarding experience through which I will gain a deeper understanding of myself, others, and perhaps even where I am supposed to be as a teacher.
As far as teaching goes, to say I am excited and eager to be in my own classroom would also be an understatement. During my time in Chicago, as well as at the Head Start program in Jackson, an incredibly deep passion was built upon the existing passion I've had for awhile - to teach a certain population, in a certain location. I thought that pull was strong before - it's gotten stronger, and continues to strengthen by the day. A year ago I would have likened this desire to a fish tugging on its bait. Now, I think it's safe to say I feel like my heart is being submerged by massive anchor.
So why am I not teaching this year? This is where the "simple and to the point answer" challenge presents itself. Here it is.
These past two years have brought me through extreme highs and extreme lows. My heart and mind were challenged in ways I never thought imaginable. Through these times you just have to push and fight for what means most to you. I never stopped. Now that I am equipped and ready to go out I'm finding that, in order to do so successfully, I need to take some time to catch my breath. In order for me to give my ALL to the children that have caught my attention, I need to gather myself together emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Maybe it is unnecessary for me to do this, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I need to dive in with my whole heart, rather than just pieces of it.
So, am I excited about Connecticut? Yes. I'm excited to build some meaningful relationships with some great people. I'm excited to explore a part of the country that has always intrigued me. I'm excited to make connections on a professional level and pursue my career in education. But mostly, I'm excited for that passion to strengthen and for this wonderful means to lead to an incredible end.
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --"
Well, I received direction for the upcoming year - just not the direction that I had initially anticipated. And why should this surprise me?
To say that this decision was a difficult one would be an understatement, as would be saying that describing it to people hasn't been the easiest task.
A great deal of thought, prayer, and time has gone into my plans for the next 12 months. I could (and will, if requested) go into the deeply rooted details; however, for blogging purposes I will choose to stay simple and to the point - A challenge, but one I should be up for!
On September 6th I will be leaving for Connecticut where I will be living with and working for a wonderful family, the Fosters, for approximately one year. The Fosters have three children, Elizabeth (13), Wells (11), and Katherine (9), whom I will be helping to care for during my stay.
Leaving Michigan again will not be easy; however, I am confident that this will be a rewarding experience through which I will gain a deeper understanding of myself, others, and perhaps even where I am supposed to be as a teacher.
As far as teaching goes, to say I am excited and eager to be in my own classroom would also be an understatement. During my time in Chicago, as well as at the Head Start program in Jackson, an incredibly deep passion was built upon the existing passion I've had for awhile - to teach a certain population, in a certain location. I thought that pull was strong before - it's gotten stronger, and continues to strengthen by the day. A year ago I would have likened this desire to a fish tugging on its bait. Now, I think it's safe to say I feel like my heart is being submerged by massive anchor.
So why am I not teaching this year? This is where the "simple and to the point answer" challenge presents itself. Here it is.
These past two years have brought me through extreme highs and extreme lows. My heart and mind were challenged in ways I never thought imaginable. Through these times you just have to push and fight for what means most to you. I never stopped. Now that I am equipped and ready to go out I'm finding that, in order to do so successfully, I need to take some time to catch my breath. In order for me to give my ALL to the children that have caught my attention, I need to gather myself together emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Maybe it is unnecessary for me to do this, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I need to dive in with my whole heart, rather than just pieces of it.
So, am I excited about Connecticut? Yes. I'm excited to build some meaningful relationships with some great people. I'm excited to explore a part of the country that has always intrigued me. I'm excited to make connections on a professional level and pursue my career in education. But mostly, I'm excited for that passion to strengthen and for this wonderful means to lead to an incredible end.
6.01.2009
Integrity
Idrealism: The state of being both an idealist and a realist to which I aspire to be.
I wrote an entire post last night on idrealism; however, as per usual, my blogging aspirations were blown when it all, in a matter of a second, deleted. I really am OK with it since I am fully aware that the post was written at one o'clock in the morning and, simply put, did not contain some of my best thoughts-put-to-writing.
I could probably write a book on everything I've been learning over the course of the last few years (you may or may not know of the reasons), but doing so would be virtually pointless considering the fact that, as of this very second, each thought is so jumbled with the next that I'M POSITIVE that the task would be absolutely tedious - probably to the point of utter exhaustion. Even writing a blog detailing my thoughts on idrealism is painful.
I'm relatively certain that there comes a point where you have to step back and take the Socratic approach to live by re-examining - re-examining your dreams, your passions, your ideals, your values, your convictions, your plans, even your hopes. I've learned that when you fail to do so, getting caught up in those things becomes second nature. It's natural to think and over think to the point of thinking yourself away from the original target, the original roots of that initial thought. Idrealism finds that middle - between crooked and straight, windy and calm, passion and reason, love and logic.
Oh dear Lord, how I could continue on this train! My coffee has yet to officially kick in, so I'm stopping here.
I wrote an entire post last night on idrealism; however, as per usual, my blogging aspirations were blown when it all, in a matter of a second, deleted. I really am OK with it since I am fully aware that the post was written at one o'clock in the morning and, simply put, did not contain some of my best thoughts-put-to-writing.
I could probably write a book on everything I've been learning over the course of the last few years (you may or may not know of the reasons), but doing so would be virtually pointless considering the fact that, as of this very second, each thought is so jumbled with the next that I'M POSITIVE that the task would be absolutely tedious - probably to the point of utter exhaustion. Even writing a blog detailing my thoughts on idrealism is painful.
I'm relatively certain that there comes a point where you have to step back and take the Socratic approach to live by re-examining - re-examining your dreams, your passions, your ideals, your values, your convictions, your plans, even your hopes. I've learned that when you fail to do so, getting caught up in those things becomes second nature. It's natural to think and over think to the point of thinking yourself away from the original target, the original roots of that initial thought. Idrealism finds that middle - between crooked and straight, windy and calm, passion and reason, love and logic.
Oh dear Lord, how I could continue on this train! My coffee has yet to officially kick in, so I'm stopping here.
5.24.2009
Dreaming Out Loud
Taking into consideration the transitional state of my very being [hence the ever-so-subtle title], I thought it necessary to share some images that have been appearing in recent dreams of mine. I'll let you decide the degree to which they are relevant.
balance
To dream that you loose your balance suggests that you are having difficulty weighing your options and choices in some situation.
bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time. [Guess I don't have a choice here, do I?]
river
To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control.
eeeeek.
And thus my May heading: Keeping Faith.
balance
To dream that you loose your balance suggests that you are having difficulty weighing your options and choices in some situation.
bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time. [Guess I don't have a choice here, do I?]
river
To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control.
eeeeek.
And thus my May heading: Keeping Faith.
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