Ode to The Twenty-Eight

I hand you a pencil,
you bite off the eraser.
Please, keep your shoes on your feet, sir.

I ask you to find your seat,
into another desk you ram.
Please, put your lip gloss in your cubby, ma'am.

I say, "Push in your chairs!"
You growl like prowling grizzly bears.

I say, "Fold your hands!"
Your eyes begin to gaze into far off lands.

I say, "Voices off!"
Up, up, UP your voices loft.

Yet,

When you pull a hair off my shirt,
leave a love note on my desk when you see I am hurt..
Allow me to hug away your tears,
and encourage away any deep, dark fears..

I am filled with a sense of awe,
..even if I catch you in yet another pencil gnaw.

Riviting

First week back.

Success.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, or why it happened, but I am sure of this: If this week hadn't have gone well, I'm fairly certain I would have been on the next flight out to Alaska. Alaska, people.

The first week back after any extensive break is always pivotal. Pivot to the left and you're good as dead for the remainder of the year. Pivot to the right? You're feared, respected, golden.

I pivoted to the right. Thank the GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY I actually felt feared this week! I have yet to feel that from our class as a whole, so I'm choosing to bask in the success. The most excellent thing about seven-year-olds [aside from the fact that most are still shorter than me]? They rarely hold grudges. Two hugs are delivered for every grown, every grunt, and [of course], every tear.

Who knew that daily "Awesome Kids of the Day" Ceremonies had powers to transform? I didn't. My life has been forever changed.

I want to bake some cookies.

Happy Saturday night!

I am thrilled to say that today has been a true day of rest. Lounging and [need I even say it?] napping in some leggings and cozy socks has been beyond blissful.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away - A truth I had nearly forgotten about until I was asked whether or not I'd be attending Detroit's Thanksgiving Day Parade [Hot chocolate, chunky scarf, and Santa? Yes, please.]. So, in the spirit of all things delicious and lovely, I'd like to take a moment and remember a few of the manymanymany things I have been blessed with.

My Sister. The friendship that we have is beautiful and, to be honest, I'm often in awe of it.

My beautiful, patient, selfless mom. This woman has the most precious heart.

Lemon-Scented Hand Lotion. Mmmmm.

Hot Cocoa-Scented Bubble Bath. I'll say it again..Mmmmmmm.

Boxed Wine. No explanation needed.

Christmas Lights. They're heart-warming and classic and they symbolize everything I love about my childhood.

Dove Chocolate Wrappers. I find myself eating chocolate when I need a little boost to my mood. Props to you, Dove, for knowing this and being one step ahead of the game. My favorite recent wrapper? "When two hearts race, both win"

Laughter. It's healing in so many ways.

My Vintage License Plate Collection. I have 8. Only 8. But that's OK because there's something beautiful about taking a lifetime to discover little bits of history.

Culture. Our differences are poetic - language, religion, dress, music, art, food, dance - I cannot wait to have the chance to devote more time to discovering the beauty in cultures different from my own.

Marvin the Mouse [and all those involved in making his journey a reality]. He puts smiles on my kids' faces, and for that I am immensely thankful.

My Dream. He has kept the fire burning since I was 16. Rather incredible that I'm not there yet, but it won't be long.

My 28. They hurt, frustrate, confuse, test, and warm me daily. They are who they are, and I love them.

Love. Hope. Authenticity. Faith. Struggle. Peace. Grace. Generosity. Harmony. Provision. Chance. Life.

When did I become a morning person?

November. It's NovemberI'tsNovemberIt'sNovember.

I woke up this morning, a morning on which I'm headed to a conference (leaving my kids with a sub - AH), to a phone call from my teammate informing me that the school is closed today. Thank you, shot transformer, for the blessing in disguise. Sure, I would have had the day off too, but MAN the joy in knowing that my kids won't shoot that sub's brains out is INCREDIBLE.

Everyday I'm told the same thing -
"Man, you have a tough bunch."
"Those kids are just [insert various synonyms for 'ridiculous' here]."
"Why would they stick you with the roughest group?"
"You have your hands full!"
.....and my personal favorite.....
"Whew! Glad I'm not in your shoes!"

It says something when I went back to my desk the other day to find a folded up note from a student to me that said simply, "Wonder Woman".

I think it's safe to say that I've never, never ever, been in this position before. I've never felt so stretched, so challenged. I love my kids, but when you have 4 that are considered "severely emotionally and socially unstable", it's painful to say the least. Every day, every moment, is a brand new one. I'm finding myself constantly having to remind myself to breathe. I've figured out how to control each of the four individually and the class as a whole without one or more of them, but when all 28 are present - it's a complete toss-up. One moment might be awesome, the next a disaster when one of my 4 has a meltdown over another student accidentally touching his arm. Meltdown times are angry times. Tears, screams, grunts, stomps...

I can say this - If I wasn't being encouraged regularly by my administration with praise for the "amazing, incredible, rockstar" job I'm doing, I can guarantee I wouldn't be here. That's the other thing - I'm not doing an amazing, incredible, rockstar job. I don't see it in myself, and I certainly do not feel it at the end of the day. Somehow they're seeing it, though, and that tells me one thing - I'm not the one controlling that room. God's mysteries never cease.

I wish I had blogged more - I have so much to say. Good therapy, too. I don't know. This is just a snapshot of what's going on in my mind - the next thing being whether or not to continue on in Detroit or move forward in pursuit of the passion I still have for somewhere else. I can say this - if I can survive this year, I can survive anything.

On some good notes:

I'm doing a project with my kids where I send out our friend, Marvin [a stuffed mouse], on a journey around the world to learn about various places. He's been to Tennessee and is currently in NYC, heading next to the Dominican Republic over the holiday. I am LOVING it, and PRAISE GOD so are the kids! It's bonding them, which I'm telling you they need desperately. Such a beautiful thing. Anyways, I'm thankful to those that are welcoming Marvin in - It's incredible to know I have such warm friends, willing to help out so selflessly.

With that, my kids are getting pen pals...

....from NEW YORK CITY!

I found a 2nd grade class in Brooklyn in the same network of schools as ours that is willing to team up for the year. Again, anything to bond those kids and give them some added excitement for life.

disappear into the haze

Our ladies.


...and our gentlemen.




See our school's newest project here - they were SO incredibly excited to see these things!

timers, cough drops, and Coolio

Day 1: Survival.
Day 2: For better or for worse.
Day 3: Hell.
Day 4: .....Glory!

As I sit reflecting on my first official week as a lead teacher, I find myself asking one very significant and crucial question:

Why, oh dear Lord WHY, did I deny myself COFFEE this week? Seriously, Betsy? Your first week teaching and you reeeallyy think it wise to ignore the mug and pot? This just gives you a glimpse into my utter lack of acknowledging all things sane and rational this week. My mind has been a dangerous place. Coolio would be proud.

I really don't even know where to begin. Against my initial thoughts and understandings, I'm right where I'm supposed to be and I see that so intensely in the eyes of each of the 28 seven-year-olds surrounding me. Whether they're a deer in headlights or gripping my waist in admiration with eyes that scream "Please love me!", they've already captured my heart in ways I never dreamt possible. It's an odd feeling - being face to face with your dream come alive.

The culture is certainly different - I am the minority (28:1) - Significant only in that it requires an increased level of empathy and wisdom to say and do what will ultimately meet their specific needs. [Case in point: While waiting for pick-ups at dismissal, the appropriate "filler game" would NOT be Simon Says, but rather a dance-off to the beat of the bass bumpin' down the street.]

I'm learning to keep it simple. To hug and hug often. Patience. To welcome each day with a smile. To set a timer. To pick and choose your battles. Ebonics. And to always, always have cough drops, water, and chap stick on hand.

One day at a time. Looking forward to an enlightening and fruitful week 2.

Our class costume trunk. Awesome? I think so.

Equally as awesome would be the below items which have also found their way into my anxious little paws:


1. Two Abnormally Small Children's Chairs
2. Large Inflatable Geometric Shapes
3. Fica Tree
4. Abe Lincoln Hat. And beard.
5. Sombrero

I should really start sticking to a budget.

Grape Juice

"This bridge will only take you halfway there
To those mysterious lands you long to see:
Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fairs,
And moonlit woods where unicorns run free.
So come and walk awhile with me and share
The twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known.
But this bridge will only take you halfway there-
The last few steps you'll have to take alone"

- The Bridge, Shel Silverstein

Goodness, I've been hired! Detroit Enterprise Academy, a National Heritage Academy in Detroit, has brought me on as one of their 2nd grade teachers for the upcoming school year! They initially hired me in with a 5th grade position, but they've since moved me down (much MUCH to my surprise and, of course, excitement considering this!)

I am ECSTATIC. I'm not even sure if that adequately depicts my current state of emotion. Multiply it by a couple hundreds.

At any rate, I feel like one of those European grape stomping ladies - knee deep in planning with one incredibly goofy smile on my face.

The Motor City, Secret Rendezvous, and a Time-Out Chair

Tonight I fly home for my final round of interviews. I'll be spending 2 full days at one school (one day in a 2nd/3rd grade class and the other in 7th/8th reading), shadowing in the morning and teaching in the afternoon. On the third day I'll be teaching a sample lesson to a Kindergarten class at the 2nd school. I feel as much as can be expected: anxious, excited, nervous...

I have my Kindergarten lesson planned and ready to go. The first school, however, has yet to give me any details regarding subject components or even specific grade targets (I could be in either 2nd or 3rd)...not that this has discouraged me (I'm actually leaning towards this school). Hello, last-minute planning. It's nice to see you again.

Detroit was never, ever my plan - at least not initially. I always figured I would come back to Detroit after spending some time in a more diversely urban setting (Chicago, New York). It isn't that New York wouldn't have worked out for next year, I'm just sensing that it wouldn't be the best for me at this point. I'm not quite equipped with the things (resources, finances, knowledge) I would need to be successful in New York. Of course faith, hard work and passion would carry me a long way, but what it comes down to is that it isn't about me and what I can do - it's about doing what's best for those around me. If I stayed in New York, I wouldn't be able to give to the extent that I had always wanted to. It isn't about the buildings, the culture, the history, the environment...while I love ALL of that, my focus needed to shift. If my focus is what I've claimed it to be, then it shouldn't matter where I am. It does matter, but it shouldn't to the extent that I've held it.

It's so hard being in the city, knowing that I've come so far only to turn back around and return to the original starting point. Melissa and I were in yesterday and, I'm telling you, I still haven't made peace with it. My mind and heart knows what's best and where I'm being called to go, but it's as if my heart is having a secret rendezvous with the city while my mind isn't looking! Risky little thing. I was 17 when I first proclaimed, loud and proud, that NYC would be my future home. That's 7 years of planning, dreaming and scheming to sort through. I guess I can forgive my heart for hanging on to something so tightly. I still think it needs a time out, though.

Here's to hoping I hear from principal 1 today regarding tomorrow's details. I can't be held responsible for what might happen if don't have adequate list-making time.

Round II

3 days down, 29 to go. It's been interesting. Here are the basics:

20 children
2 IEPs
Age span of 3-5
2 head teachers, 2 assistants
2 field trips a week
2 hour nap time daily
9 hour days (for myself)
3 weeks of full control

I won't have as many technical requirements (lesson plan write-ups, unit plan, portfolio, assignments, etc); however, I will have to complete daily journals and a weekly reflection (ahmm...CAKE compared to this)

Considering the "breaks" throughout the day and the nature of a Head Start summer program, I am not left as tired as my six hour days in 2nd grade were leaving me; however, I also don't have an hour commute on 2 CTA buses and a train, in addition to never ending streams of grading, planning, reflecting, and researching to navigate. I'm missing it all, though. Probably more than anyone knows.

It will be an interesting placement. I was able to chat with the two assistant teachers today during nap time (assistant, despite a combined 20 years with the program). I'm hoping relationships can build...soon. I was fortunate before, but so far all is good here.

We'll see :)